Alright. My biological mom and family (Although they joke about it a lot) are in total support of my furry-ness. My mom calls me by Eif, and buys me collars as gifts. Hell, this lady laughed and asked her "Why does he have a tail?" and my mom replied with, "Oh, that? Yeah, his dad was a raccoon." I love my mom. Especially for that, but when I am done visiting her and move back to Minnesota, I have my adoptive mom, who is really supportive of most everything, but she's one of those mom's where if she has an opinion on things (Such as the furry-ness) she will only listen to those who share her opinion.
She went online to one of those angry single mom sites where they rant about their kids (Exaggerating a bit) and found other mom's that shared her opinion. They tell her that this "Fandom" (God I hate that term, I'm not a FAN of furries, I AM one) is a sick fetish that we all share and that's how we get off.
Now I admit, furries, and furry pr0n, are both hot as hell, but that's NOT why I am a furry! As I said, she only listens to those who share her opinion, and as you well know, I do NOT!!!! So when we're out to lunch or something she asks me kindly to leave my tail at home (I just hide it, but wear it)
Now I warned her about when I move back, I told her that if I goto her place, my mate and I will leave ourselves at home, but when she comes over, I will wear my 3 tails all I want, she said fine. (But I know that erked her)
Have any of you had problems with family members? Any positives?
I have had both good and bad, depending on the family member in question.
However, that dose not currently seem completely relevant at this moment.
I may also suggest you are incurring unnecessary negatives while avoiding a wealth of positives.
Yes, I do not know the specific people involved, but your use of language already suggest some potential conflicts you would have even with tolerant or agreeable people. I will suggest it may be useful to take a hard look at how you present yourself as furry. Are you putting your best paw forward?
This furry part, is just one thing on the giant list of things she thinks are wrong with everyone. I love my mom, I really do, but she just has a different way of thinking. I only say that because the other adoptive relatives (i.e. Uncles Aunts, hell even GRAND PARENTS) accept me and think it's cool that I'm a furry. She is the only person in my family, both bio and adopted that doesn't support the furry-ness. I have sat down and talked with her about the "Fandom" and what I see it as (people who see themselves more as animals than humans, just my take on it) but she persists that it is a sick, vile, perverted fetish that a bunch of degenerate's are into.
But whatever. She's the only member of both of my families that dislikes it.
I just wanted to know if anyone else has issues with their families in this field.
My mom doesn't have a problem with me being in the subculture. But my mom and I have had long discussions from an early age about "core values" (she is one of those folks that questioned enough of what her paster said, and made enough valid points she was thrown out of her family church =), and how they tie into our personal beliefs. She's seen pictures I've taken from the different Sci-Fi/Fantasy, and more recently Furry, conventions/events. She has already stated she would like to come out and hug all the fursuiters, but I'm not sure I'm ready to inflict her on them yet. =) [Yes, that is a threat... Don't annoy me too badly or you'll be sorry ]
Her husband doesn't say much. He doesn't recoil; he doesn't care. It just isn't in his interest (he drives dump trucks and more a gear head) so he just isn't interested other than out of politeness.
My dad and I have talked about it. He likes some of the photos I've taken from an emotional/technical view, and we've discussed about managing community groups (he was heavily into community work with my mom before the divorce and still is to some degree). But he really doesn't express a directed opinion.
His wife is freaked out by almost any cosplay photo I've shown her. She recoils and gets confused. It just doesn't fit in her nice neat world view. She also sees most Sci-Fi/Fantasy cons in strange ways and she has expressed concern about me being at those type of events. Out of politeness I tend to skip showing her those type of photos and discuss other things in my life unless it is directly brought up as it isn't worth my energy or her tension.
My extended families know I go to conventions and do photography. I suspect most if not all have seen my convention photos along side my natural photos. The conversation tends to be constrained mostly to the pictures. It isn't something they deal with so they pretty much just enjoy my hobby as a spectator.
I tend to take the "If you don't blow smoke in my face; I won't fart in yours" approach to life. If folks want to talk about the conventions or the subcultures (that I know) I'll happy do so. However, for those that are unconformable with it I just don't actively bring it up. It's just part of the manors imparted to me as a kid. Mind you I have and I will continue to help clarify and right mistaken beliefs about any of the subcultures I walk around, but that is different than needling someone with something that makes them uncomfortable. And I've become good at turning the mistaken belief into a joke and defusing tension with humor.
Well, I don't have a family anymore, but even if I did, I'm sure they wouldn't be very accepting, based upon their personalities. My view on being a furry is lor each of us to live life for one's self first. Otherwise, you'll always be miserable.
My parents and grandmother on my mothers side are all super supportive. They love the fact that Im a fursuiter. I can entertain my niece, help out at animal events and stuff. They find my love of cosplaying a bit weird, but not the worst thing. Honestly theyre mostly annoyed I prefer Male characters to female than anything furry related. They thing its a waste of money, and that I need to prioritize but they have nothing against it.
My fathers side of the family will never know. Theyre horribly religious and dont like us as is. Id rather not continue to push that boundry. Its nothing lost for me, but Id feel bad for my dad. So Instead we just talk about my 'other' hobbies such as…school. yeah.
One of the things I had to learn to do was give and take. if I wore my tail to an event or fursuit around the house/outside they dont care. But If I go out in public its expected I wear normal clothes. And its fine with me. They raised me, feed me, provide shelter and what not. Its the least I can do, to make them comfortable. Im not out to cause further conflict or any conflict in the house.
Sike, Sike, poor, deluded Sike. you need to take lessons from Stewie Griffin. He knows the right way to handle mothers.
My parents are big CSI fans. So I told them I was going to a furry convention right after that episode.They looked at me funny, but I told them I am going because of animatronics and such.
Now days they simply don't want to know and that is fine since they have a warped sense of what furry is and I can't change that.
In the case of myself, my folks know I have the suit but I handle the topic of "Furries" with kid gloves, I don't see dad having much problem with it, but mom is a bit of a religion nut, she is willing to help me out with getting parts made for the suit though and that is good, but I think if I came right out and told her I was a fur she might snap in some fashion, she was ever so very concerned when I told her I was playing D&D (2nd edition back then) and that it would steal my soul and she didn't want me playing it, she seemed to relax after I told her I was playing a paladin back then, but this is a little off the topic for this thread. Over all the way I word things they both seem to be fine with it and I only wear my suit or any part of it when I am test fitting something or am going to one of the events we hold, not sure if I would invite them to visit even the picnic where things are a little more relaxed.
I suppose all furs have some trouble at some point when letting family know about them being a fur, I think that when things are too different for someone is when the most trouble starts.
My parents and grandparents actually helped me make my first fursuit. While they don't know much about furries they know I'm a strange guy with out of the ordinary interests. I'm even getting high school credit for it and the sci-fi body armor I'm making because my mom mentioned it to my school.
It's nice to have supportive people outside of our community. Family, friends. It's a big relief to me. I have friends who can't come out because they'd be disowned from their families. It's sad that just because someone has different interests than them, they have to get rid of the person who comes in and (in their minds) attacks their beliefs. I have never had a family member that has been a hard core bible thumper, so I can't say much there.
One thing that makes me smile, is the support from grand parents, and other elderly people.
Sike and Novac are lucky that they have grand parents like that, a lot of elders were raised different, and under more strict rule, so it's cool to see that some can be so, well, awesome!
When I talk about furry to people, family, friends, or just doing PR at an event, I emphasize the performance art and creative sides of the furry fandom. It's about meeting people and doing something good. It's also about "What furry means to you", which I know was discussed in a recent forum topic. If your version of furry is where you go out of your way to shock society by wearing tails and ears everywhere you go, you are going to have a lot less credibility. If you've really got your life in order, are successful, and furry in your life is a vessel for doing good, then it's really a lot harder for family to complain. Of course, maybe you've got a family member(members) that is opinionated and doesn't like you already and in that case furry is just another reason to gripe about you. In those cases if you are really patient and consistent -eventually- you may get the family member to see that furry isn't such a bad thing.
If someone, like your overly religious aunt, brings up the porn card – just remind them that in 2011 the worldwide porn industry made 57 billion dollars – a little over 12 billion in the US. That is A LOT of porn. Who do you think is paying all those porn dollars? Let's see…. how many people are furry? It's a pretty small percentage. The fact is, your religious aunt and her religion, assuming she's Christian, make up about 1/3 of the world population and spend about $20 billion per year on porn.
Something to think about.
I was scared out of my mind telling my grandmother, I didn't think I would make it out of her house. Now she is in denial, and thinks it's some sort of phase. As for my parents, my mother hasn't been in my life since I was very young age and my father died in the fall of 2000, but I don't think he wood have been very supportive. He was his fathers son, which is why I never plan to let my grandfather know either. As for the rest of the family, only my sisters and cousin know and the're supportive. Mainly because Mouse, my older sister (Not a furry just a nickname), and Jen my younger sister, have already been, for the most part, disowned. Lastly, Ben is supportive as long as I don't force the topic; it's pretty much the same for most of my friends.
When I told me parents they had a hard time grasping the idea of it being a community and not just all about the 'fandom'. After explaining it to them quite a few times, they got a basic understanding of the concept and accepted it…They said they will never fully understand it, but they accept and am glad that I JOINED something, heh. I then made a post about it on my wall so pretty much everyone one in the family circle knows about it. One of my cousin's made a joke about it, but was just playing around.
My parents would probably NOT accept me being in a fursuit though, lol.
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