Bullying

[NovaStarHusky]

I Go To School In A Middle School Of Hurtful People. I Keep Getting Bullied About Being A Furry. The Actual School Has “Done Everything In Its Power” To Stop Them But It Wont Stop, And I Was Kinda Wondering If Anyone Had Any Ideas How I Can Save My Self From This. Normally I Wouldn’t Mind But Its Gotten To The Point Where I Have Been Threatened About Stuff. Its Kinda Been Painful As I Have Better Things To Worry About Like My School Play, Getting Good Grades, And Going To Meets! I Dont Wanna Keep Looking In The Mirror Wearing My Tail And Remembering Every Painful Word Said. If Anyone Can Help Me That Would Be Nice. Thank You

*Vibes in mom energy*

[Devin, The Sauce.]

Honestly ignoring them, but people give that advise and it’s easier said than done, I have been bullied in my past, so I don’t get affected by it as much, I have this friend group where we all rip on each other, so when I joined the furry fandom, I told them rip on that if they want, so I could ready myself for any insult that came towards me, so idk if that helps….

[NovaStarHusky]

That Does Help Me Kinda Thank You

 

*Vibes in mom energy*

[Shoku]

If threats are happening and the school isn’t handling it, honestly the next step is to contact the police.  That’s not only against school policy (I would assume at least), it’s illegal.

"The problem is not that there are too many idiots in the world, the problem is the distribution of lightning."
- Mark Twain

[Ryakka]

Try and hang out with like minded people in a group. Most bullies are cowards by nature and will back off if you outnumber them.

[Grunge]

If it were me I’d talk to my parents first for emotional support. It can be really hard because you have to muster the courage to say the words out loud to them, especially if you’re already feeling vulnerable. When you talk to them, tell them about how YOU feel. Typically parents are not responsive to “these guys are jerks” as much as “I dread going to school because the way people treat me makes me feel bad.” If anything you’ll be able to talk about it and get it off your chest.

That’s probably the best you can do is talk about it with people who care about you. Unfortunately people in middle school are fucking assholes, and they’re not going to change if they don’t think they have to.

Another thing you could do is make some friends. Bullies generally act violently when they are with their friends against a single person. It’s because they only get in fights when their odds are in their favor. Also, they tend to initiate fights without warning because they need that much more of an advantage. Now pointing this out makes them seem pretty cowardly, which is true in most cases. They however do not care about honor. They care about power and domination, so calling them a coward is more likely to escalate problems.

You might also want to hold back on how much you talk about furry. If you want to talk about the meets, talk about it in the sense that you have an active social life and that it’s fun. People your age are still developing a sense of empathy, so when you’re talking about a specific interest they don’t have, they are not going to see how happy it makes you. They’re going to see how bored it makes them.

Most important thing though is to have an honest talk with your parents. If they decide you don’t get to come to the meets anymore, which may or may not happen, don’t get too bent out of shape. The fandom has been here more than three times the number of years you’ve been alive, and we’re not going anywhere soon. We’ll see you in four to five years.

[Loo]

I agree with Snow! Next time they approach you give them ONE warning and make it very clar this is their LAST chance to stop before you call the police on them. If they threaten you agai. call the police and have them speak to those kids while at school. If they continue to threaten you tell them you WILL have the police go to their homes next if they threaten you again.

And if what I said doesn’t make them stop please do send me a message so I can help you. I too went through that stuff so I know where your coming from.

"The greatest value comes from loving yourself for who you are" ~Lindsey Stirling

[Kenzo theGrayfur]

I feel your pain. In middle school I was teased every single day about being fat or not being grown up enough. I imagine you feel the same way for being a furry. There is nothing wrong with being a furry. I know that some of the teachers and staff at your school have tried to do all in their power to help you out but that isn’t enough. Often teachers neglect teasing and think that it’s a minor thing. If you feel like you’re being teased too harshly teased then you might have to contact the police. The reason why younger kids are feeling so depressed and suicidal is the fact that teachers aren’t doing anything about it! As others have said you should try being around friends. Your friends can help you out and make you feel more comfortable. Bullies try to target the weaker individuals, they feed on fear. You need to stay strong! You will be okay. I know that I still have some post traumatic stress disorder from my early childhood, but I survived and came out okay. Please remember that you have support here and support from your parents, I’m sure.

• This reply was modified 7 years, 2 months ago by Kenzo theGrayfur.

Music makes the world go around!

[Aerak]

Sadly, people that age are mean and are often hurtful to people different than them. Eventually these people will figure out that different = cool and being the same as everyone = boring. But that’s still going to be years away.

But telling you everything works out eventually, while possibly being reassuring that things get better, doesn’t exactly help you right now. My advice for right now is surround yourself with people who are supportive of you. Your family, your teachers, friends, other furries you connect with. You spend a lot of time at school, but you still spend more time away from it. If you have a support network it can make a world of difference.

[Cencewolf]

So.. I think the best advice on this comes from Grunge, and Kenzo.  Yes.. You are in middleschool, which means a few things relevant in how to proceed…

1) the school sweeps everything it can under the rug to avoid getting a public “black mark” on their record.. This includes a substantiated incident of bullying. They will not contact the police unless its mandated. (Claim of sex assault/weapon violation/unsafe home or neglect)

2) yes, i know it sucks to hear this,.. But you are very young yet. Why would i say this? Because i was there.. I was bullied every day all through middle and high school.. Even went to alternative (night school) and it isnt easy. you have growing up to do, but thats a good thing.. learning to weed out the difference in the opinions of those you care about, and those you don’t. Learning to do this takes elevated maturity, so its not like flicking a light switch.

Theres one more thing worth mentioning.. Regardless of who you are, or what incentive someone may have… You are a valid target on somone elses social agenda. The truth is,.. If somone wants to say horrible things about you, They will find or make up a reason. Its not “because your a furry” or choose to express it but rather its because simply, this person(s) is an asshole… and does not deserve your attention, or your response.

How to proceed?  TALK to your parents.. Get them on board with the idea things are worse than they know. They need to be the ones to push the matter at school, and although the police really cant help you finitely end social conflict, the threat of involving them (and earnimg them that black mark) at a administrative level may spark a positive reaction from school administrators.

just my two little pennies.. Keep your head up.

-Cence

[Aerak]

Also, since you mentioned your school in another thread, I went to your middle school and high school. It’s a small independent school district. When I was going there, most of what happened was talk and rarely did anything escalate beyond that. Hopefully that hasn’t changed. My time at your school was difficult until my junior year in high school when all of a sudden it was like someone flipped a light switch and suddenly the other kids started treating me like I was pretty cool. Cencewolf in the post above me mentioned your school would sweep things under the rug – I don’t believe that to be true. You’re school and town are very small compared to almost everywhere else. Right now your school is being honored for a national achievement award. They seem to do things the right way there. I mean, my boyfriend went to North High School, where there is a lot of gang violence. That place is setup like a prison and the threat of real violence is a daily thing. Your school isn’t that bad.

Cence brings up a good point, though. You are in an age group where you, and everyone else around you, is still figuring a lot of things out. And eventually you figure out the opinions you value and those you don’t, and after that a lot of the negative opinions no longer stick. There are always going to be people out there who will criticize you. And in regards to furry – it’s viewed as weird or different. But it’s not really. When millions of people dress up and go to comic book conventions, and when comic book heroes rule the movies, you are really going to complain about someone dressing up as a fluffy animal? Pfft. Come on. =P

[Cencewolf]

Aerak wrote:

Cencewolf in the post above me mentioned your school would sweep things under the rug – I don’t believe that to be true. You’re school and town are very small compared to almost everywhere else. Right now your school is being honored for a national achievement award. They seem to do things the right way there. I mean, my boyfriend went to North High School, where there is a lot of gang violence. That place is setup like a prison and the threat of real violence is a daily thing. Your school isn’t that bad.

isn’t it?  Cant really tell whos school your talking about here. If its mine.. Im curiously amused. You seem to buy directly into the image they want to portray by “sweeping things under the rug” .. Altruistic, community driven safe atmosphere of hope and joy and equality for all right? Why do you think they get an award each year.. No damn blemishes.  Welcome to politics, and cooincidently a decision about who gets what for funding… Naivety, and communal ignorance deriving from a public disinterest as a result of an organizational shiny smiling countenance is the reason society, (not just independant school districts) are becomming more beurocratic or prisonlike. This includes infractions, bullying, assault, or otherwise.

i do feel it was important to add this here.. If you (or I) are pretending to have wortwhile advice or experiences to share, i suggest they be based on personal experience.. Not a comparrison between “where i think my BFF went to school, and where some other random commentator like “Cence” went to school.. More than what.. 15 years ago?

 

[Ochindiki (Ochik) Poslednim]

NovaStarHusky, thank you for your post.

Something I want to add to this thread comes from previous experience. What’s important with your interactions with those who bully you in the future is to always be the better person, the better character.

Once I was constantly bullied by a couple of classmates. Whenever they would make fun of me I never responded to their words and simply moved on. Eventually all the nonsense stopped thanks in part to my actions. I never got mad and kept moving on. I was the better character.

Be the better character no matter what people say. Eleanor Roosevelt once said “No one has the right to make you feel inferior without your consent.” I urge you to take those words to heart.

Here’s a good article I came across that may be relevant : http://waitbutwhy.com/2014/06/taming-mammoth-let-peoples-opinions-run-life.html

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