I'm in a bit of a confusing situation..

[Sam]

So, my mom knows i’m a furry and that I like the idea of fursuiting, I have also explained what it is and that she shouldn’t worry about me on the not as good sides shall we say. I cant tell if she is really accepting though. Shes gotten me tails, and let me buy my own furry accessories and we talked about fursuits but she doesn’t like me talking about it much in front of other people it seems and i’m too afraid to ask if I can go to any meet ups or activities that are talked about here. I dont know how I should bring it up or if I should bring it up at all. I will be able to drive soon so its not like I would have to wait forever but I don’t want to keep missing out on so much. This probably sounds weird and obvious of what the answer is to some but what do you think should i do? Thanks!

<3 Ruban

[Shoku]

Well my 2 cents is it’s always good to have someone know where you’re going so I wouldn’t hide that. There’s always a chance you don’t make it there (me and my manager are the only ones at work not recently involved in a car crash it seems). I guess is be honest. It’s at a Perkins (well next is actually the picnic), it’s a sort of meet and greet, and there are board and card games.

"The problem is not that there are too many idiots in the world, the problem is the distribution of lightning."
- Mark Twain

[SubeeFur]

I would just ask her about going to meets/cons. I would also ask her about the possibility of being embarrassed about you being a furry. If she is, then you have a new path of conversation about how much to reveal about your lifestyle to certain people. As far as her driving you to meets I can’t see it as a problem if she is willing to buy you tails and such, it maybe she is just afraid of how people outside our group will see you/her. This is coming from a closet fur so ymmv, but it sounds like your mom is trying and may need a little help figuring things out.

[Sam]

Snow wrote:

Well my 2 cents is it’s always good to have someone know where you’re going so I wouldn’t hide that. There’s always a chance you don’t make it there (me and my manager are the only ones at work not recently involved in a car crash it seems). I guess is be honest. It’s at a Perkins (well next is actually the picnic), it’s a sort of meet and greet, and there are board and card games.

I wasn’t planning on hiding it from her at all I just think she wouldn’t like the fact of being around a bunch of furrys and wouldn’t want to go out of her way. Even if I were to go while I go with my own car and friends I don’t know how I should handle it and explain it to her. Sorry if this is confusing haha.

<3 Ruban

[Caxir]

My advice would be to simply annunciate the idea of going to an event. It’d make it better if you plan ahead and you can make it work to your advantage if you can say you have friends going so that way your mother know’s you’ll be with people both you and her know to set her mind at ease. The scariest thing right now will be the definite age gap. I’m currently 20 almost 21 here and mom still fusses over the idea that there are some furs going that are well over my age or even underage. By mentioning that, it may be unwise, otherwise honesty might get you somewhere. It’s just a matter of how she views it. The picnic on the 24’th will be a good event to go to if you can make it. Those are a lot of fun as I’ve been told, (never actually been to one yet!), otherwise the Bi-weekly meets are generally pretty okay to try and meet some other furs.

I think just putting it out there is going to be your best bet. Say you’re looking to make some new friends, but mom’ll likely argue, “why not make friends where you are?” as my mom has done. Showing how you want friends in the local community for the furry fandom is a good way to be specific about it. Whether she likes it or not that’s up to her, but you get to decide in the end who you want to associate with. Mom’s approval and the car rides until you can drive however, that’s up to mutual agreement. So yeah, just put it out there, maybe show some pictures from prior events in the years before to show what its like? This is just speculation for me, but I hope it helps!

The floofiest Dutchie there ever was

[Sam]

SubeeFur wrote:

I would just ask her about going to meets/cons. I would also ask her about the possibility of being embarrassed about you being a furry. If she is, then you have a new path of conversation about how much to reveal about your lifestyle to certain people. As far as her driving you to meets I can’t see it as a problem if she is willing to buy you tails and such, it maybe she is just afraid of how people outside our group will see you/her. This is coming from a closet fur so ymmv, but it sounds like your mom is trying and may need a little help figuring things out.

Okay. I guess I will try to talk to her when she isn’t very busy then. I hope she will understand and be accepting haha. Being afraid about how they see us would make sense as well, i guess that would explain a lot. Thank you for your advice! I will try to find a nice inbetween agreement for us then when we can talk.

<3 Ruban

[Sam]

Caxir wrote:

My advice would be to simply annunciate the idea of going to an event. It’d make it better if you plan ahead and you can make it work to your advantage if you can say you have friends going so that way your mother know’s you’ll be with people both you and her know to set her mind at ease. The scariest thing right now will be the definite age gap. I’m currently 20 almost 21 here and mom still fusses over the idea that there are some furs going that are well over my age or even underage. By mentioning that, it may be unwise, otherwise honesty might get you somewhere. It’s just a matter of how she views it. The picnic on the 24’th will be a good event to go to if you can make it. Those are a lot of fun as I’ve been told, (never actually been to one yet!), otherwise the Bi-weekly meets are generally pretty okay to try and meet some other furs. I think just putting it out there is going to be your best bet. Say you’re looking to make some new friends, but mom’ll likely argue, “why not make friends where you are?” as my mom has done. Showing how you want friends in the local community for the furry fandom is a good way to be specific about it. Whether she likes it or not that’s up to her, but you get to decide in the end who you want to associate with. Mom’s approval and the car rides until you can drive however, that’s up to mutual agreement. So yeah, just put it out there, maybe show some pictures from prior events in the years before to show what its like? This is just speculation for me, but I hope it helps!

Yes the age gap between everyone could be having an affect on her judgement as well. But I guess those would be great ways of bringing it up, and having friends come with would probably help a lot too. I haven’t thought of those things, so thank you! I will try to use your advice as well as possible. Hopefully we can come to an agreement like you said!

<3 Ruban

[Rubeus]

Hey there,

If you’re a minor, I definitely think it’s important that you have your mom know where you’re going and keep her in the loop, especially since local events like Migration and the picnics require minors to have parental supervision or consent forms. If you’re over 18 I’d still agree with the others here that she should know what you’re up to. My parents were a little wary of furries themselves but they warmed up to the idea after checking out events themselves and getting to meet other furs; my dad thinks fursuits are the coolest thing now.

[Zaza]

Hey there >^.^<

I think you should find a time that you can sit down and talk with your mom about her concerns and your own.

She may be concerned about your safety attending events. She might feel better after meeting and getting to know members of the community. Strangers are scary people to have around your child.

She might be concerned about the cost and consider it a waste of money. Fursuits can be expensive, but you don’t need one to be part of the community. Try discussing responsible ways that you can save up to make/buy a suit if you decide it’s something you want.

You said she doesn’t want you talking about furries around others. It’s a sad truth that most people’s knowledge of furries comes from their less-than-flattering portrayal in media. She may be concerned that others will judge you based on these portrayals. She may be concerned that others will judge HER.

The upcoming fall picnic would be a great opportunity for her to meet and learn more about the community in a safe public environment.

[Aerak]

I think you need to be honest with your mom, especially since it sounds like you are still considered a minor and for now, she is your legal guardian. The Fall Picnic coming up would be a really great opportunity for the both of you to attend, and that way she can see first hand what we are all about. And also that way, if she has any concerns or questions, she can talk to our staff who are super friendly and knowledgeable about the group.

[Cori]

Hi Sam.

I am the mom of a furry so I thought I would comment.  Maybe you could ask your mom if she would take you to the picnic next weekend.  She can see for herself what the furry world is like and meet some of the people in the local furry community.  My furry child and I recently moved to the Twin Cities so this will be our first social event here and we are very excited.  Your mom might be a little hesitant for you to attend events since she doesn’t know much about them.  Just be honest with her and tell her how you feel.  You can tell her that there will be at least one other furry parent at the picnic for her to talk to.  Good luck and I hope to see you at the picnic.

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[Procyon]

Aerak wrote:

I think you need to be honest with your mom, especially since it sounds like you are still considered a minor and for now, she is your legal guardian. The Fall Picnic coming up would be a really great opportunity for the both of you to attend, and that way she can see first hand what we are all about. And also that way, if she has any concerns or questions, she can talk to our staff who are super friendly and knowledgeable about the group.

I think Aerak’s suggestion here is VERY solid.  The Picnic is a massive gathering that shows a wide breath of the fandom in a public place.  It will also likely contain many of the older furs of a likely age equal to parents who can give context of history, experience, and results of growing up in the fandom for 2 decades or more.

 

• This reply was modified 9 years, 9 months ago by Procyon.

[Ridayah]

Hi there Sam,

I’m going to throw my voice in on the last few comments as well – invite her along! She’d hardly be the only parent of a furry child to be in attendance, and many of the ‘older furs’ whom have been around a long time are happy to chat and answer any questions or concerns she (or you) might have.

I’ll be easy to spot at the picnic, too – I’ll be near the grill, cooking, so if you and she come feel free to hunt me down and you both can say hi!

[Author]

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