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Please allow me to re-introduce myself; I'm a demonic wolf of brains and taste

Home Forums MNFurs Introduce Yourself And How Did You Find MNFurs Please allow me to re-introduce myself; I'm a demonic wolf of brains and taste

This topic contains 15 replies, has 6 voices, and was last updated by  Sauce 6 months, 3 weeks ago.

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 16 total)
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  • #49976 Quote
    I’ve been around for a long, long era
    Helped to steal many a man’s soul and faith

    …But those millennia are behind me now. 🙂

    /in_character (*In other words, “I’m done being in character”, for those not fluent in my made-up HTML tags. :-D)

    Hello, again, MNFurs, and my fellow anthro denizens, furries, and furry affiliates!

    My name is Convel Deamhan (*That’s pronounced “DYOWN (rhymes with “clown”) /d’auN/”; it’s Gaelic) here… otherwise known in my “humesona” (LOL) as, typically: Nat.

    I’ve technically been a member of MNFurs since about…February, 2015, apparently — but, due to some extremely unfortunate and painful life circumstances, I had to undock and both equally drift, yet also deliberately voyage deep into the vacuum of space for a long while to find myself, and…well: I have! Yay!

    Anyway, among the many, many things I’ve learned about myself, starting this August, and especially in the last three weeks, I have come to the conclusion that I am, indeed, and realized that I actually have been, since I was very, very young — a furry. And I’m damn proud of, and what’s more, extremely happy about, having come to accept that fact now.

    I found some of my earliest drawings, from when I was 4 or 5, dating back to pre-1990, and they were of anthropomorphic animals (anthro-beings, as I call them). What’s more, I had, even then, I recall, and my mother later confirmed, not only drawn pictures of anthros, but had developed whole worlds, stories, and lore revolving around them, setting them as characters in a greater world.

    I’ve drawn anthros and incorporated them into my myriad stories since then, but for some reason, I wasn’t ready to accept myself as a furry until Saturday, November 11th, two weeks ago. And, since then, I’ve felt AWESOME!

    Looking back, I realize now that anthro-beings have walked with me, in some form, for most of my life. Something about them has called out to me, from my creative unconscious, for nearly as long as I’ve been able to hold a pencil or put fingers to a keyboard. Since I was 4 or 5, since the late ’80s, when the early modern iteration of the furry fandom itself was still young. If that doesn’t make me a furry, then I don’t know what does. And, that makes…me…HAPPY!! *Ecstatic tail wagging*

     

    Fursona-wise, I’m an anthro-demonic wolf, horned, and with batlike wings, covered in a coat of black fur, striped seemingly at random with gashes of red fur, as if covered in a thousand cuts. Naara is just, well, female; a woman, with a different anatomy.  And as her I tend to be goofier than I am as Convel, if you can believe that. I’m often a bit wilder in my feminine personality, whether as my fursona, or in my “humesona”, as I jokingly call my human self. I can polymorph between anthro and full-on animal wolf (although still horned and winged), either way. 😀

    As such, I can’t stress enough how good it feels to be back at MNFurs. I realize now that though my body may have left this community, my heart has always been here. The furry fandom and community therein has come to mean so much to me in the last week, that I cannot wait to be part of it on a local scale, as a proud, happy, furry myself, finally true to who I am as a whole person, for the first time since joining about two years ago.

    It feels so good to be back home.

    In closing:

    Ooo, ooo! The song I link to below is the new theme song for my whole life, my anthem, my fight song, and my victory theme. It was the inspiration, in music, for what may be the first novel series I’m going to write as Convel, and after my “humesona” gets published in a few years, I’ll hopefully publish it under my furname, as it involves, entirely, two anthro races at war, and the greatest hero (technically ‘heroine’) of one race who will ever walk the face of their world. And she, and her story, were born into my mind, and my heart, amidst the pounding chords of this song. But, that’s all I’m comfortable sharing publicly now. There’s far more to the story than I’m willing to mention at present.

    Please enjoy the lovely and magnificent Fox Amoore’s song ‘Golden Eyes – Opening Theme’ from his album “Goldeneyes: The Original Soundtrack”:

    • This topic was modified 8 months ago by  Convel.
    • This topic was modified 7 months, 2 weeks ago by  Convel. Reason: Some info removed for privacy

    I am Convel Deamhan: I've learned that light can be born from darkness, beauty from ugliness, redemption from damnation, and friendship from loneliness. I am ecstatic to be a member of MNFurs, and the furry fandom at large!

    #49979 Quote
    I love the intro song. It was weird, I saw your first post go up and then disappear. I noticed because it was just those lyrics and Sympathy For The Devil is my favorite song. But I came to look and tell you that and it was gone…so I’m glad you posted again!
    #49981 Quote
    Welcome back to the furry fandom! I myself am new to it as well but am having a blast, hope to see you at meets!
    #49984 Quote
    I have no idea how to use this forum system… LOL. Now my quoted posts aren’t showing up. So, I’ll just do this:

    @Die The Kox:

    I love the intro song. It was weird, I saw your first post go up and then disappear. I noticed because it was just those lyrics and Sympathy For The Devil is my favorite song. But I came to look and tell you that and it was gone…so I’m glad you posted again!

    Ha ha! Thank you so much, Die The Kox! 😀

    Yeah, I saw it post, and then I tried to edit it, and then it vanished. So, I just…the disappointment of having crafted what I thought was a clever re-introduction topic just vanish into the ether really, really hurt. To borrow a lyric from Lou Reed’s song ‘Harry’s Circumcision (Reverie Gone Astray)’, a deeply personal song to me, relating directly in some ways to my former self-image and life experiences, from my favorite album in his solo discography, “Magic and Loss” (1992), it was “the final disappointment.”

    The topic’s disappearance tipped my precarious perch a little further than I was ready for, and I just…got sad.

    But, I’ve since posted my addendum, and edited it, twice, in fact — the second time to add yet another song, this time to share how good it feels to be back home — and I feel much better. Doubly better to see that someone, being you, Die The Kox, already replied. So, thank you!

    I love The Rolling Stones and ‘Sympathy for the Devil’, too. That particular song means so much to my fursona as a character, as a literal demonic wolf from Hell, who has long since rejected the ways of darkness, absconded from the Abyss, and tried to make a new life for himself amongst the living, in a world of equal parts light and shadow. But, unlike in the Inferno, he’s found great beauty here, and even greater friendship.

    As a human, I’m looking forward to making new friends, as well as the possibility of rekindling the embers of old friendships, with members of MNFurs, and in the furry fandom at large.

    Thank you so much for being the first to reply, Die The Kox. It means very much to me.

    @Hunter:

    Welcome back to the furry fandom! I myself am new to it as well but am having a blast, hope to see you at meets!

    Thank you so, so much! It’s nice to not be the only new-ish member of the fandom around here. 🙂 I mean, I’ve admired the furry fandom from afar for years, over a decade, even — I even called myself a ‘furry affiliate’ — but there was just something, some…I dunno…some undefinable…fear, for the lack of a better word, that kept me from accepting, and what’s more admitting, that I am indeed a furry.

    And yet…yet, I’ve been drawing and writing about anthropomorphic beings nearly my whole life. But, I accept it now, and I’m so happy, and so freaking excited to be a part of MNFurs again, as a proud furry myself.

    I’m so glad to hear you’re having a blast so far, Hunter! I will look forward to hopefully meeting you at meets, too!

    Now, hopefully this will post correctly this time. …Please? LOL. Sorry for all the confusion here, but it’s my first day.

    • This reply was modified 8 months ago by  Convel. Reason: Changing typos in posts is much easier than changing genders, believe me. (...) DEA Agent Dennis a.k.a. "Denise" (David Duchovny): "Coop, I may be wearing a dress, but I still pull my panties on one leg at a time, if you know what I mean..." ; Dale Cooper (Kyle MacLachlan): "Not really." (From: "Twin Peaks", S2, E12)

    I am Convel Deamhan: I've learned that light can be born from darkness, beauty from ugliness, redemption from damnation, and friendship from loneliness. I am ecstatic to be a member of MNFurs, and the furry fandom at large!

    #49994 Quote
    Even Later Edit:

    And when I went to edit this post for technically a third time…it disappeared again. No comment. Just…no comment. It’s a good thing I Ctrl+A and copy everything before I post, in case something like this happens. Does this website not like Chrome, or something? Anyway, sorry for the triple-edits… But, my posts keep getting eaten by the Webcrawler. Anyone remember that site? LOL!

    Later Edit:

    It seems every time I edit one of my posts…it disappears. Um…yeah. This was technically the first reply to this topic, which I had made after I had first made this topic, to re-introduce myself, which disappeared, and then I edited this reply, which then also disappeared. I’m not going to lie: This is starting to get annoying.

    Late edit:

    Originally, when I posted this topic…the first time, something done goofed; the internet police must have backtraced it and, well, consequence were never the same, I guess…and it didn’t get posted to the forum. Is that a quadruple meme score? LOL! Oh, hell, son, they should totally have meme Scrabble! Anyway, I had to post it a second time, and I was quite sad, but now, at…um… *Checks clock on computer* …6:35 AM (as of writing that), I decided to try to rename the topic title and edit out the part where I was sad that the original topic didn’t post, and I see that I can do that, and I feel quite good!

    So, the remainder of this post is referring to the sadness I felt after the first post didn’t take, and just kind of went… *Poof* …into the void between the websites, to the place where ’90s spinning .gifs and Angelfire pages go to die. Or, I guess Fenrir could have eaten it, or something. He tends to eat strange crap. Like the sun. That’s…uh…hot, you know? (The strange wolf… But, it probably takes one to know one…)

    Anyway… Onto the remainder of this reply, already in progress:

    *Commercial for laundry detergent…from Japan*

    It looks like it worked like it should this time. As an addendum, the last four months, since July, and more so the last three weeks have contained within them the most personal growth I’ve ever endured in my life, in the shortest window of time during which I’ve ever had to grow. I get so…so taxed, so drained so easily now, these days. I feel great, usually, and I’m happier than I ever have been in my entire life.

    But…the laser fine focus I’ve developed, the dedication to my craft as a writer, the devotion to my work, the grueling pace I maintain, and the intensity of my work ethic, and what’s more, my creative process, has left me exhausted and easily shaken. On most days, sleep isn’t enough to replenish me, and I get so involved in writing my novels, I literally forget to eat. I have, up until now, in some ways have been writing to my detriment, furthering my hopeful future career, at the cost of my own physical and emotional health.

    So, I’m sorry if I seemed so sad at the beginning of what I thought may be a re-post of my introductory topic, but I’ve had a lot of stress, eustress — good stress, that is — in my life, and distress, especially today, as I had to end a relationship with a long-time supporter and friend, albeit on largely positive terms, by my choice.

    Even though all the aforementioned eustress involves me growing as a person, including as a fursona, into who I want to be in life, and accepting myself for myself, for the first time in my entire history…it leaves me on a tenuous emotional perch, and the slightest breeze or tremor may rattle me harder than it would most.

    Yet, I’m happier than I have ever been, and I’m learning, slowly but surely, to self-regulate, and balance my work, my writing, with my health and my daily life, and to remember to allow myself time to just have fun, play video games, and veg out. And more than that, more than anything, to be social, to be part of a community; and I want to be foremost part of the furry fandom, as far as communities go, and part of MNFurs, my home away from home.

    I look forward to seeing as many as I can at the next furmeet at Perkins in December. I’ll be there with bells on. Well, not literally, even though it is the month of Christmas. 🙂 I do wish I had canine ears and a tail, though, as I’d be wearing those. But…maybe in March or April. It’ll take me a little while to save up for those, and then there’s making the commission and the creation time, so it could be later…but still. I’ll be Convel, in my full, anthro glory, at least in spirit.

    I can’t wait to see you all then. Take care in the meantime. 🙂 Once again, it feels so good to be home.

    Speaking of, here’s my favorite song by the band Argent, fronted by Rod Argent, of The Zombies; it’s the closing track from their final album, “Counterpoints”, and it’s called ‘Part I: Butterfly, Part II: Road Back Home’. It’s one of my favorite songs in life and expresses perfectly in so many ways, at least in part two, how good it feels to be back. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do:

    • This reply was modified 8 months ago by  Convel. Reason: CHANGE PLACES!!!!

    I am Convel Deamhan: I've learned that light can be born from darkness, beauty from ugliness, redemption from damnation, and friendship from loneliness. I am ecstatic to be a member of MNFurs, and the furry fandom at large!

    #49996 Quote
    Welcome back to the community Convel!
    #49997 Quote

    Welcome back to the community Convel!

    Yay! It’s Sauce!

    Thank you, Sauce! I’m so happy to have you welcome me back. I still have fond memories of hanging out with you and Ves “Mecha Wolf” Kadar at Applebee’s one night, a couple of years ago. That was good fun. 🙂

    VK and I are, like, bros and BFFs offline and IRL, so he has been a major, major influence in my decision to not only come back to MNFurs, but in my journey to accept myself, as a furry, as the anthro-demon wolf I am inside. …Does that make me, like, one of those marshmallow-filled, chocolate Easter bunnies? At least I’m not one of those hollow ones. Those things are so disappointing. “Oh, yay! A big chocolate bunny…!” *Cracks it open* “…Filled with air.” Boo.

    But, yeah: Ves is cool! And you, Sauce, are cool, too!

    The three of us should get trench coats and fedoras, and go around like The Goodfellas, bumping into pedestrians on the street and flicking cigarette butts at passerbys, with violin cases in hand.

    Huh. I don’t know about you, but it’s too bad neither VK or I have fursuits, as that would be even more amazing, confusing for onlookers, and hilarious! We could be The Goodfurrys! Eh, fuggedaboutit!! (*Yes, that was a lame pun, and yes, I’m still proud of it! :-D)

    …Pardon my insanity. I’m in a great mood today! 🙂 I’m just exhausted. I need a nap. I think I’ll go curl up under a pile of blankets and catch some ZZZs. But first…noms. I have had a bagel to eat today, and coffee. And it’s almost 2 PM. Um…yeah, busy busy.

    Catch all y’all later! *Happy tail wag* A~woo!

    Oh, I found a new song that speaks to me on two deeply personal levels — it’s called ‘Monsters Keep Me Company’, by costumed Finnish hard rock band, Lordi, from their album “Deadache” (2008):

    • This reply was modified 7 months, 2 weeks ago by  Convel. Reason: Took out some stuff for privacy

    I am Convel Deamhan: I've learned that light can be born from darkness, beauty from ugliness, redemption from damnation, and friendship from loneliness. I am ecstatic to be a member of MNFurs, and the furry fandom at large!

    #50004 Quote
    I’ve had a moment of painful awakening a short while ago…

    I realized that when I left MNFurs nearly two years ago, I left a lot of people, a lot of beautiful, wonderful, good people behind; and I feel I abandoned them.

    There were people in my life that I hurt, both in MNFurs and in my life at large, those two or so years ago, though it seems one of the many millennia that my fursona has lived. There were people that I abandoned and betrayed… just like one of the last three good friends I had in this state, hell, in this country, did to me on Monday, two days ago, when I made this topic here.

    My former personal trainer, who called me a friend, rejected me on Monday, because some aspects of who I am as a person clashed with her religious views. Thankfully she wasn’t unprofessional enough to say she wouldn’t work with me, but she did say, in so many words, that she thought of me as sick, as broken, as living in sin, and did not approve of me anymore, even though I had known her for almost a year and a half before basically being forced into telling her about those sides of me. And so, I chose to end both our working relationship, and our friendship.

    I wouldn’t have brought my identity up at all, but she put me in a corner and forced my hand. She was getting snippy with me about why I needed to cancel Monday’s appointment, and asked if I wanted to continue working with her at all. So, I laid out why I was under so much stress, due to the rampant, unbridled personal growth I’d been though these last three weeks, and the lifelong struggle I’d endured since I was a child, only 4 0r 5, revolving around my identity — and she rejected me. She betrayed me.

    I realized today that, in a different manner, more through my silence, my inaction, my non-presence, that I had equally betrayed several people during the period of my life when I left MNFurs those two or so years ago, so much like Haley’s Comet, leaving our solar system, and likely caused as much pain to them as my former trainer and friend betrayed and hurt me just two days ago. And that realization broke my heart.

    But, because I didn’t know who I was back then, when I first joined MNFurs, because I was so uncomfortable in my own skin, because I outright hated who I was at that point in my life, I wasn’t mature enough to be the friend anyone needed and deserved. And…and I left everyone, silently, and without warning.

    I built a wall around myself so high and so thick that no one could reach me, but…but I needed to, because I didn’t know who I was. I was a shattered soul within a broken vessel. I wasn’t able to be a friend, the friend that so many people rightly deserved. I had to find myself before I could find others, but that was no excuse for me to drift away, into the cold, quiet night, like the tattered figment of a ghost.

    It’s no excuse, but it is the crappy context of where I was back then, and why I was so immature, and unfortunately hurt some people that were close to me.

    So, to those I hurt, here and elsewhere, I am deeply and truly sorry. My words, for once, as a writer, are not enough to express the sorrow and pain I feel for the pain I may have inflicted upon them.

    I don’t hate myself now, because, for the first time since I was able to conceptualize things like self-concept and personal ideinty, when I was 4 or 5 years old, I finally love who I am. But, I do hate how I treated some of the people I called friends back then. And I can only humbly, on all fours, ask for their forgiveness, whether they be in MNFurs, or in my greater life as a whole.

    And to them, I dedicate this song…

    This is ‘These are the Times’, by Styx, from their 2003 album, “Cyclorama”:

    The lyrics follow:

    (The lyrics are from the studio version of the song, but I thought the live video was cool. Most of the verses are the same.)

    I hear voices from beyond the veil
    They reverberate in mystery
    There are shadows in my heart
    And they multiply in memory

    And the comrades that I’ve lost out there
    In the scattered ruins still speak to me

    If the flickering light of your campfire dims
    The world grows smaller
    It’s closing in
    I’m standing here
    And I want you to live

    I know…

    These are the times we find out who we really are
    This will be when a true friend stands at your side
    Someone like me who wants to
    Believe in the days of high times and innocence
    Drawing the lines and shouting back to the night
    Someone like me who wants you to live

    And from those who’ve seen the light beyond
    We know the end will bring tranquility
    But the voices of the friends they heard
    Brought them back to this reality

    If the beacon of light in your life seems dim
    The sun’s coming up on the world we’re in
    There are choices here
    And I want you to live

    I know…

    These are the times we find out who we really are
    This will be when a true friend stands at your side
    One more like me
    Who wants to believe in the truth of all we experienced
    To live again to jump back into the fight
    Someone like me who wants you to live

    Pouring light from the sky
    Portends you and I
    Disappears in the night

    I still remember…

    I hear voices from beyond the veil
    Like a faint unfinished symphony

    Though the beacon of light in your life seems dim
    The sun’s coming up on the world we’re in
    I’m standing here
    And I want you to live

    I know…

    These are the times we find out who we really are
    This will be when a true friend stands at your side
    One more like me
    Who wants to believe in the truth of all we experienced
    To live again to jump back into the fight
    Someone like me who wants you to live

    I want you, I want you, I want you to live
    I want you, I want you, I want you to live
    I want you to live

    I still remember.

    If there are any here that I hurt in my broken past, who I wronged, and feel comfortable doing so, please let me know. I can’t atone for the mistakes I made back then, but I can try to be a better person now, and maybe, just maybe, hopefully regain their trust, and possibly their friendship. Thank you.

    • This reply was modified 7 months, 2 weeks ago by  Convel. Reason: Removed stuff for privacy

    I am Convel Deamhan: I've learned that light can be born from darkness, beauty from ugliness, redemption from damnation, and friendship from loneliness. I am ecstatic to be a member of MNFurs, and the furry fandom at large!

    #50005 Quote
    Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

    Well, I set up a Telegram account last night, and I have met a lot of awesome people/anthros from here at MNFurs, but with at one point, four separate conversations going on at once, on about five hours of sleep, after seven extremely stressful, full-on burnout-level days (since last Thursday), and on one new chat client (is there room for a partridge in a pear tree, or is it still too early for Christmas?), I kinda felt like I was losing my mind for a bit there.

    I said some stuff I probably shouldn’t have, made a couple of assumptions that I didn’t mean to, and might have hurt some people, but only because I’ve been running on less than fumes at this point. I think if you read the last few posts of mine, you can see why. But, it’s still no excuse. I need to read more carefully, even if I’m utterly exhausted, and not make assumptions of people. And if I said anything that caused anyone hurt, I’m truly sorry.

    So, in honor of my feeling like I went insane last night, here’s one of my favorite songs from my utterly favorite David Bowie album of all time, “1. Outside” (Usually just called “Outside”) (1995) and both the opening and closing theme to one of my favorite films of all time, “Lost Highway”, by my first-favorite director of all time, David Lynch.

    So, with no further adieu, I present to you on this fine… *Checks weather on phone* …scratch that, cold (It’s 18 degrees F as of my writing this) fine morn, ‘I’m Deranged’, by my late (RIP — He left this world on January 10th of last year) musical hero and life inspiration, David Bowie:

    Have a safe and happy Thanksgiving, everyone! Don’t let the holiday make you go deranged! And if you already are, then welcome to the club! 😀

    I am Convel Deamhan: I've learned that light can be born from darkness, beauty from ugliness, redemption from damnation, and friendship from loneliness. I am ecstatic to be a member of MNFurs, and the furry fandom at large!

    #50014 Quote
    Well, as promised in the ‘Domestiaced Meleagris gallopavo Day’ topic, I said I’d post some pics of myself so people can know what I look like in case they want to come up and say ‘hi’ at future fur meets (I’ll be at every one unless I have to be, at, like, a family function! Or have the wolf-flu!

    Tangent:

    I had the swine flu when that was a fad, back in, like 2010. All I remember was: Sick. And…watching “Zardoz”, and still thinking how bad of a movie that was. Not even a younger Sean Connery in a red loincloth and thigh-high boots was enough to completely save that movie for me…but it did help. It’s too bad I had, like, a 100 degree fever at the time. LOL!

    That probably didn’t help my impression of the movie. And then I saw it when was healthy. Nope, still kinda bad, and very corny. LOL. Connery was still smoking hot, though. *Starts panting* Um…oops. *Tongue rolls up like the Wicked Witch of the East’s feet under Dorthy’s house in “The Wizard of Oz”*

    Anyway, here’s a several minute old selfie. I need a good shave. I’m a scruffy demo-wuffle.

    Okay, here’s a smiley, scruffy (and frizzy! I need a good shampoo! I just tied my hair back randomly today) me, circa about 30 minutes or so ago:

    *Taking pics down for now. May re-post later with privacy-compromising data removed*

    And here’s a shy/coy/possibly flirty me, with my mane down, circa about the same time:

    *See above*

    And here’s a fuller-body shot, from about two weeks ago, when I had my first God’s-honest first full beard. I shaved it. It looked cool, but wasn’t for me, the way I see myself now. And I haven’t shaved since, so, yes, the above pics are with only 2 week’s growth. Uh…it’s kinda easy to see why the whole trans thing kinda was hard to make work. I’m built like a linebacker, and have a Chia Beard! LOL!:

    *See above the above*

    I’m kind of a hefty guy now, but I used to be a lot lighter. LOL. I still like who I am, though. Oh, and this pic was taken after taking a 30 to 45 minute walk…at 11:30 PM. I wanted to get my exercise in that day. So, I’m very sleepy in that picture, not grumpy, or another of the Seven Dwarfs. Doc, maybe. Possibly Dopey.

    Oh, and pardon the dirty mirror. I literally started cleaning my bathroom after taking this picture. I took this for another forum I’m on, and wanted to get it done, as I had a friend coming over that following weekend, IIRC, and hadn’t cleaned house yet. So…yeah. Staaaaiiiinnnns…

    So, now you can play ‘Where’s Convel?’ at a local Fur Meet near you! I’ll also have a name tag with my furname on, so you’ll be able to ID me that way! They had to tag me before they released me back into the wild after the last anthro-demon wolf census by the DNR…so, yay, nametag! Actually it’s from the one outdoor furry gathering I went to when I was here 2 years back. 🙂 Happy memories! *Happy tail wag*

    Okay, gaming time, and then bedtime. For real this time! Yay, heavily modded Fallout 4! A~woo…! Ack! *Hack, hack, cough*

    *Coughs up a squeaky ball* Oh, so THAT’S where that went!

    Mmm. Ball. *Noms on ball*

    *Swallows it by mistake again*

    Uh-oh. *Hiccup* *Squeaky!!* *Hiccup* Dammit.

    • This reply was modified 7 months, 4 weeks ago by  Convel.
    • This reply was modified 7 months, 2 weeks ago by  Convel. Reason: Read about online privacy and safety. I guess there's location data in pictures. Who knew?

    I am Convel Deamhan: I've learned that light can be born from darkness, beauty from ugliness, redemption from damnation, and friendship from loneliness. I am ecstatic to be a member of MNFurs, and the furry fandom at large!

    #50018 Quote
    Ha ha! The Grue ate my post again! It’s always on edit 2, too! LOL! Good thing I CTRL+A and copy everything!

    Here was the original post, as previously posted, minus the open vulgarities:

    Bonus Picture:

    Okay, so this one is OOOOLLLLD.

    I was about 21. I see a bottle of wine on the desk behind me, on the top shelf, to the left of the cactai. So, I was in college. This is how I used to look, and how I hope to look again. Except, less then-Catholic (Hence the freaking crucifix! LOL! I’ve since left the church) hipster/whatever the heck look I was going for at the time! *Snaps fingers* Hipster priest! (Hey, it was college! I have no idea what the hell I was thinking! LOL!), and more…well, whatever the heck look I will be going for later. Just, me, I guess. 🙂

    I was about this size for most of my adult life, up until about 24, and the majority of my present weight came about between 2014 and 2015 as an unfortunate depression medication side effect. I gained weight RAPIDLY, without changing my diet, really, in a year. And it sucked. Plus, well, depression completely sapped me of the will to take care of myself, and…yeah. I didn’t. But I’ve been working on doing so now. It’s slow going, though.

    But, I think I can get close to my following, early body type again, because I was, again, 21 then, and I’m only 33 now. So…here’s hoping.

    Portrait of the Artist as a Young Cub, circa 2005:

    *See thricely above*

    Pardon the unfortunately placed drip-like stain by the crotch, I have no idea what it is either, but it’s most probably not what I’m hoping it’s not. I hope. *Shudder* LOL! Convel peed his pants! Um…shut up!

    So, MNFurs, poll:

    What are the odds that if I put a cinder block (Oh, I’m sorry, that’s apparently blockist, or something. The “politically correct” (I’m being snarky here) term is: ‘Concrete Masonry Unit.’ Really! No joke. Google ‘cinder block’. Why!?) in my largest backpack and wear it during my daily 3o to 60 minute walking regimen, the bag will rip wide open and then I’ll have to carry a cinder block home and simultaneously end up doing my weight lifting AND cardio routine?

    I’m…uh…honestly considering doing this. I have a pretty big backpack, and we have some unused cinder blocks in the yard…probably full of spiders or something.

    *Ears flatten to head*

    *Whines*

    I don’t think I want to carry a cinder block around in my backpack anymore. Icky bicky spiders! Blech! *Shivers*

    I do like spiders I can see, though, like tarantulas. :3

    • This reply was modified 7 months, 2 weeks ago by  Convel. Reason: Again, taking pics down for now for more online and offline privacy. I didn't realize there could be crossover

    I am Convel Deamhan: I've learned that light can be born from darkness, beauty from ugliness, redemption from damnation, and friendship from loneliness. I am ecstatic to be a member of MNFurs, and the furry fandom at large!

    #50035 Quote
    I’ve decided that I’d like to go by ‘Convel’ at MNFurs, unless I ever present, in fursuit, as Naarassusi. In that case, I’ll wear a namebadge. 🙂

    *Starts playing Fallout 4*

    *Comes back* Oh, I was making a post, wasn’t I!? (JK, I never left. But, still… I wouldn’t put this past myself. :D)

    So, I’ll always be Convel here, and at meets, etc., and thus always present male. And so, male pronouns are always great!

    If I’m ever going to be Naarassusi publicly, it will probably only be if I, like, get two fursuits made: One for my male ‘sona and one for my female ‘sona (which I hope to do someday!), and then I’ll just wear a name tag/badge with my female furname on it. But that won’t happen for a few years yet, unless I get some kind of financial windfall in the meantime.

    But, I’ll otherwise be my male self. I mean, why confuse people by switching names all the time, including my human one? *Happy tail wag*

    So, since music is my life and writing is my passion and job, I should commemorate this decision with a song. How about Metallica’s ‘Of Wolf and Man’, from their landmark self-titled album, “Metallica” (a.k.a. “The Black Album”), from 1991:

    ‘Cause, at the end of the day, I AM a wolf and a man, aren’t I? SHAPESHIFT!!

    *Turns into a horned and winged black-and-red-striped squirrel*

    Um…I think I need to work on this spell, just a little…

    *Goes off to collect nuts and raise hell*

    • This reply was modified 7 months, 2 weeks ago by  Convel.
    • This reply was modified 7 months, 2 weeks ago by  Convel.

    I am Convel Deamhan: I've learned that light can be born from darkness, beauty from ugliness, redemption from damnation, and friendship from loneliness. I am ecstatic to be a member of MNFurs, and the furry fandom at large!

    #50065 Quote
    This will be my final non-reply-prompted post in this topic, at least for a while, possibly forever, as I feel I’ve done well to introduce myself to my family here at MNFurs. Plus, even though I like being an open book to a degree, I do want to maintain a modicum of privacy in my life. I don’t want to say too much. It ruins some of the mystery of who I am, too! And we don’t want that, now, do we? 😉

    Part of why I identify so strongly by my fursona and furname, on here and in general, is because I like the relative distance it grants me from my “legal self” (i.e. my legal name, age, sex, occupation, etc.), and lets me, in a manner of speaking, be the “real me”, but without having to share every nitty-gritty detail of who I am as a person. But, it also lets out the anthro within.

    Maybe this is an extreme, but in many ways, I’m a person of extremes; I always have been, I think… I do, in large part, see my Convel and Naarassusi selves as facets of my core identity, aspects of my true being. They aren’t just characters to me. In some ways, they are me, or at least a reflection of myself, mayhap as seen in a funhouse mirror, in a manner of speaking: Twisted in some ways, dramatized in others, magnified in one sense, diminished in still others.

    I guess you could call my Convel-self and Naara-self ‘caricatures’ of my “humesona”, but I feel that demeans them, and thus, to a degree, myself. But, they are aspects of me, just from a different approach and angle relative to my position in my day-to-day life. And I like that. It resonates with a writer and artist, and one with an admitted bent towards the theatrical and dramatic. I am an actor and actress both, on the stage of life, in the spotlight of the sun, in the lens of humanity’s eyes. Enjoy the show!

    *Transmission ends here*

    P.S. — As a note, I’m going to be taking a short vacation from Telegram and other social media for a while. I’m not sure for how long.

    I’m doing well, but there’s a lot going on in my life right now, and I need to take a step back and focus on myself when I’m at home, where I do my chatting. I’m not used to the online social life, and the high-speed fast-lane of Telegram is something I’m not quite comfortable using every day. But I will check in at times. I have met SO MANY wonderful, amazing, awesome, and beautiful people on there. It’s just that, well…I’m more of an ‘in person’ sort of demon-wolf. So…

    …You can bet I’ll be at EVERY Fur Meet, gathering, party, and so on I can attend in person. I’m just… *Sigh* …it’s just hard to be super-social from the comfort of my own home, which is my sanctuary and escape from people, right now. I’m afraid that’s all I’m comfortable sharing about my circumstances at this time.

    I’m feeling good though, better than I ever have been, in some ways. It’s just that I’m… *Shrug* …I don’t know, tired, I guess, in every way: Physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, in lieu of all the growth I’ve undergone in the last month, and all that I have yet to undertake in the near-future.

    So, even if I’m not on Telegram every day, I’ll be at every in-person event I can attend. I’ll look forward to meeting as many of my MNFurs family as I can there! 🙂

    Thank you for understanding.

    I am Convel Deamhan: I've learned that light can be born from darkness, beauty from ugliness, redemption from damnation, and friendship from loneliness. I am ecstatic to be a member of MNFurs, and the furry fandom at large!

    #50236 Quote
    You seem like an interesting character. 🙂 Hope to see you at future meetups. ^^

     

    Even though I couldn’t identify myself as a furry when I was a child (as a matter of fact, pretending to be an animal wasn’t always my kind of thing at the time), I did seem to often prefer talking animals in a number of animated shows and movies I used to watch during my childhood, like “Rocko’s Modern Life.” In later years, when I eventually discovered the furry fandom and learned more about it, it seemed like just the right fit for me, and I’m absolutely glad to be a part of it.

    #50238 Quote
    I never posted before, but again welcome welcome!  😀

    Hope to see you at some future events as it will be fun to meet-n-greet.  Hopefully you can come to the upcoming Holiday Party.

    ~ Drake M.

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