Please allow me to re-introduce myself, I'm a demonic wolf of brains and taste

[Convel]

I’ve been around for a long, long era
Helped to steal many a man’s soul and faith…

…But those millennia are behind me now. 🙂

/in_character (*In other words, “I’m done being in character”, for those not fluent in my made-up HTML tags. :-D)

Hello, again, MNFurs, and my fellow anthro denizens, furries, and furry affiliates!

Convel Deamhan (*That’s pronounced “DYOWN (rhymes with “clown”) /d’auN/”; it’s Gaelic) here… otherwise known in my “humesona” (LOL) as, typically: Nat A.

I’ve technically been a member of MNFurs since about…February, 2015, apparently — but, due to some extremely unfortunate and painful life circumstances, I had to undock and both equally drift, yet also deliberately voyage deep into the vacuum of space for a long while to find myself, and…well: I have! Yay!

Anyway, among the many, many things I’ve learned about myself, starting this August, and especially in the last three weeks, I have come to the conclusion that I am, indeed, and realized that I actually have been, since I was very, very young — a furry. And I’m damn proud of, and what’s more, extremely happy about, having come to accept that fact now.

I found some of my earliest drawings, from when I was 4 or 5, dating back to 1988 or 1989, and they were of anthropomorphic animals (anthro-beings, as I call them). What’s more, I had, even then, I recall, and my mother later confirmed, not only drawn pictures of anthros, but had developed whole worlds, stories, and lore revolving around them, setting them as characters in a greater world.

I’ve drawn anthros and incorporated them into my myriad stories since then, but for some reason, I wasn’t ready to accept myself as a furry until Saturday, November 11th, two weeks ago. And, since then, I’ve felt AWESOME!

Looking back, I realize now that anthro-beings have walked with me, in some form, for most of my life. Something about them has called out to me, from my creative unconscious, for nearly as long as I’ve been able to hold a pencil or put fingers to a keyboard. Since I was 4 or 5, since about 1988 or 1989, when the early modern iteration of the furry fandom itself was still young. If that doesn’t make me a furry, then I don’t know what does. And, that makes…me…HAPPY!! *Ecstatic tail wagging*

Two of the other things I learned about myself is that I’m a.) Bisexual (That’s probably pretty self-explanatory! LOL!), and b.) I’m what’s known in the LGBT community as ‘genderqueer’. I’d struggled with my gender identity since I was at most 5 years old, and actually lived as a male-to-female transwoman from October of 2011 to midway through 2015, just prior to joining MNFurs.

I’ve since realized that I’m not transgendered, but neither am I cisgendered, that is identifying gender-wise with my biological sex (which I’m happy with). But, I’m genderqueer, which is defined as: “denoting or relating to a person who does not subscribe to conventional gender distinctions but identifies with neither, both, or a combination of male and female genders.” And…I identify as both! 🙂

But, since I physically present as male 99% of the time, at least for now (until I lose some weight), I go by my male furname, Convel, or by a diminutive of my human name (Nathan, my birth and male-self name): “Nat” (*which is helpfully unisex! :-D).

So, male gender pronouns (he/him/his, etc. are perfect. I probably won’t publicly present as my female self for awhile, so it’s kind of a non-issue, and I’m not really a huge stickler with what pronouns people use anyway, since, gender-wise, at least, I identify as both male and female. So, boom: Double bonus!

Besides, I’m not offended by that kind of stuff. You can call me ‘he,’ or you can call me ‘she,’ but you doesn’t have to call me ‘Johnson.’ (“Hey, Johnson!”) “…Well, you can call me ‘Ray,’ or you can call me ‘Jay,’ but you doesn’t have to call…” Blech. *Dies inside* I can’t believe I just quoted Ray Jay Johnson. I think I just threw up my soul a little…

Anyway, so, being genderqueer: I have two fursonas! My male fursona, my main, is, well…this a-one: Convel Deamhan! But my female self has a fursona, too, and I/she is called: Naarassusi “Naara” (*for short) Riivaaja.

But, until/unless I’m presenting, physically, as a female, just assume I’m Convel. 😀 Or, just ask if you can’t tell. I have long hair; it can be confusing sometimes. LOL!

Fursona-wise, I’m an anthro-demonic wolf, horned, and with batlike wings, covered in a coat of black fur, striped seemingly at random with gashes of red fur, as if covered in a thousand cuts. Naara is just, well, female; a woman, with a different anatomy.  And as her I tend to be goofier than I am as Convel, if you can believe that. I’m often a bit wilder in my feminine personality, whether as my fursona, or in my “humesona”, as I jokingly call my human self. I can polymorph between anthro and full-on animal wolf (although still horned and winged), either way. 😀

But, for a while, probably a year or so, I’ll just be Convel or Nat full-time. But, as at furry events, and the like…I’d like it if everyone just call me ‘Convel.’ I love my fursona, and my furname! And, what’s more, I love the furry fandom, my fellow furries in it, and MNFurs, as it’s most prominent local group and as such, manifestation in the offline.

As such, I can’t stress enough how good it feels to be back at MNFurs. I realize now that though my body may have left this community, my heart has always been here. The furry fandom and community therein has come to mean so much to me in the last week, that I cannot wait to be part of it on a local scale, as a proud, happy, furry myself, finally true to who I am as a whole person, for the first time since joining about two years ago.

It feels so good to be back home.

In closing:

Ooo, ooo! The song I link to below is the new theme song for my whole life, my anthem, my fight song, and my victory theme. It was the inspiration, in music, for what will be the first novel series I’m going to write as Convel, and after my “humesona” gets published in a few years, I’ll hopefully publish it under my furname, as it involves, entirely, two anthro races at war, and the greatest hero (technically ‘heroine’) of one race who will ever walk the face of their world. And she, and her story, were born into my mind, and my heart, amidst the pounding chords of this song. But, that’s all I’m comfortable sharing publicly now. There’s far more to the story than I’m willing to mention at present.

Please enjoy the lovely and magnificent Fox Amoore’s song ‘Golden Eyes – Opening Theme’ from his album “Goldeneyes: The Original Soundtrack”:

• This topic was modified 6 years, 5 months ago by Convel. Reason: Caught a minor grammar error
• This topic was modified 6 years, 5 months ago by Convel. Reason: Caught a minor grammar error

I am Convel Deamhan: I've learned that light can be born from darkness, beauty from ugliness, redemption from damnation, and friendship from loneliness. I am ecstatic to be a member of MNFurs, and the furry fandom at large!

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